No wonder crack addicts never want to stop.
This is pure hell.
Over the past 2 weeks, I have been weaning myself off of Zoloft.
Weaning should make it easier right?
As of last Sunday, I am completely anti-depressant free.
Dear God, what was I thinking?
I keep reminding myself of all the reasons I decided to stop:
- I detest medication and think it is completely abused nowadays
- my goal was to be pill free by December
- we plan to make baby #3 next year, and Zoloft can really screw up a fetus
- a therapist once told me that I would be on medication the rest of my life, I have every intention of proving him wrong.
- I’m stubborn
Every day I tell myself:
“It’s ok, you’ve hit bottom now. This withdrawal can’t possibly get any worse, tomorrow will be easier.”
Thus far, not the case.
I get intensely annoyed at everyone and everything.
I have had a constant headache for the past 2 weeks.
My body feels weak, tired, and drained.
My dreams are absurd.
I want to cry, scream, and laugh all at once.
I wouldn’t be able to power through this, if it wasn’t for my darling little family.
Sophie has been a doll.
She distracts Mya, keeping her busy so that I don’t feel like I’m going to fall apart.
Right when I feel as if I am going to snap, Mya gives me hugs and kisses.
Denny, poor sweet Denny.
The other day I had made lasagna for dinner.
In my attempt to crazy the tray of lava over to the table, the container gave way and toppled onto the floor. For several moments, I just stared at the bright red sauce all over my floor and wall, wanting to cry.
“Too bad you dropped it, mom.” Sophie innocently called from her chair at the table.
I took a deep breath, scooped up the remaining food, stepped over the mess, and had dinner with my girls. Once Denny got home he stared at the gory scene, obviously amused. Without uttering a single sarcastic word, he grabbed a wet rag and cleaned up the mess.
How I love him. 🙂
He has been nothing but supportive through my snippy comments, bursts of uncontrollable laughter, and other insane moments.
note to family: Don’t worry, I am not losing my mind. The crazy comes in waves, at times I feel fine. I love you all. Thank you for being so concerned about me. 🙂